So
you think YOU have problems?
The Lord spoke to Noah and said,
"In six months I am going to make it rain until the whole world
is covered with water and all the evil things are destroyed. But,
I want to save a few good people and two of every living thing on
the planet. I am ordering you to build an ark."
And, in a flash of lightning, he delivered the specifications for
the ark.
"OK," Noah said, trembling with fear and fumbling with the
blueprints, "I'm your man."
Six months passed, the sky began to cloud up, and the rain began to
fall in torrents. The Lord looked down and saw Noah sitting in his
yard, weeping, and there was no ark.
"Noah!" shouted the Lord, "Where is My ark?" A
lightning bolt crashed into the ground right beside Noah.
"Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best,
but there were some big problems. First, I had to get a building permit
for the ark's construction, but Your plans did not meet their code.
So, I had to hire an engineer to redo the plans, only to get into
a long argument with him about whether to include a sprinkler system."
"My neighbors objected, claiming that I was violating zoning
ordinances by building the ark in my front yard, so I had to get a
variance from the city planning board."
"Then, I had a big problem getting enough wood for the ark, because
there was a ban on cutting trees to save the spotted owl. I tried
to convince the environmentalists and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service
that I needed the wood to save the owls, but they wouldn't let me
catch them, so no owls."
"Next, I started gathering up the animals but got sued by an
animal rights group that objected to me taking along only two of each
kind."
"Just when the suit got dismissed, the EPA notified me that I
couldn't complete the ark without filling out an environmental impact
statement on Your 'proposed' flood. They didn't take kindly to the
idea that they had no jurisdiction over the Supreme Being."
"Then, the Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed flood
plan. I sent them a globe."
"Right now, I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the
Equal Opportunities Commission over how many minorities I'm supposed
to hire."
"The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I am trying
to leave the country, and I just got a notice from the state that
I owe some kind of use tax. Really, I don't think I can finish the
ark in less than five years."
With that, the sky cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
arched across the sky.
Noah looked up and smiled. "You mean you are not going to destroy
the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "The government already has."
